Thursday 12th Feb.
The distant memories of what we went through in 2013 have come flooding back this week as our day to day life is turned upside down once again.
You must drop everything if Celia's temperature goes over 37.8 degrees and head straight to Monash Cancer Centre so we've been there Friday, Monday, Tuesday and all of today. Her temperature is still spiking at 39.7 even after 4 doses of intravenous antibiotics so she's being admitted overnight.
Until this week I'd forgotten what a logistical nightmare an unscheduled hospital visit poses.
Today, for example, I had to get 2 preschool children to kinder and Crèche, Celia to hospital, then go back and collect Mabel a couple of hours later, pick up overnight bag, get back to hospital where I had left Celia on her own for over an hour and a half which you aren't supposed to do, try and arrange a pick up for Max which proved too hard so Andy cancelled an important client meeting. As we only have one car Andy had to train it to the hospital, collect Mabel then pick up Max.
Back in April and May 2013 our life was like that almost every day and you never knew how long you were going to be in hospital so a lot of the time it just seemed easier to take all 3 children with me which was a nightmare of a different sort!
My memory of how tortuous those first few months were had faded until Celia was admitted to the children's ward today and now it feels like it was only yesterday (obviously I am not just referring to the logistical problems; fearing your child might not make it and witnessing their constant pain also contributed to the stress somewhat!). I suppose it is a bit like child birth, the memory of the pain fades with time, but I honestly don't know how we coped back then. I use the word 'coped' very loosely as in hind sight I actually didn't cope at all.
Today after just 4 days of this 'inconvenience' I was back to my 'bear with a sore head' act (screaming at the children, screaming at any driver in front of me who dared drive under the maximum speed limit, screaming at a radio DJ for being so idiotic - you get the picture). My anxiety levels were through the roof and that's what I was like perpetually between April and December 2013.
Thankfully this afternoon I got a grip of myself, reprioritised and with a bit of slow breathing I brought my anxiety levels down but it is something I've mastered far too late. Because I now recognise the signs I'd like to help other parents who are at the start of this journey and encourage them to seek help if they are experiencing symptoms of anxiety. I also want to offer them hope as it can seem very bleak in those first few months so I've volunteered to be a 'blood buddy' for a new program the Leukaemia Foundation are setting up. Basically I would be paired up with parents of newly diagnosed children and act as their 'buddy'.
I would have found this really helpful in the early months as the fear of the unknown was a huge contributor to the stress. I've had my interview and completed the training modules so I'm just waiting to be put in touch with my first participant.
Talking about bad memories being dredged up, Celia's dinner just arrived and as I lifted the lid of her plate, that hospital food smell hit my nostrils and I almost wretched.
It evoked such a vivid memory of what I had to endure for almost 3 months back in 2012 when I was incarcerated here with problem bump/child number 3. I'll never forget the night I ordered chicken curry and they had run out of rice so I got curry with a lump of wet mashed potato just like the one in this photo?!? Monash you have been really great to us over the years but I am so hoping I never have to spend another night here!
The distant memories of what we went through in 2013 have come flooding back this week as our day to day life is turned upside down once again.
You must drop everything if Celia's temperature goes over 37.8 degrees and head straight to Monash Cancer Centre so we've been there Friday, Monday, Tuesday and all of today. Her temperature is still spiking at 39.7 even after 4 doses of intravenous antibiotics so she's being admitted overnight.
Until this week I'd forgotten what a logistical nightmare an unscheduled hospital visit poses.
Today, for example, I had to get 2 preschool children to kinder and Crèche, Celia to hospital, then go back and collect Mabel a couple of hours later, pick up overnight bag, get back to hospital where I had left Celia on her own for over an hour and a half which you aren't supposed to do, try and arrange a pick up for Max which proved too hard so Andy cancelled an important client meeting. As we only have one car Andy had to train it to the hospital, collect Mabel then pick up Max.
Back in April and May 2013 our life was like that almost every day and you never knew how long you were going to be in hospital so a lot of the time it just seemed easier to take all 3 children with me which was a nightmare of a different sort!
My memory of how tortuous those first few months were had faded until Celia was admitted to the children's ward today and now it feels like it was only yesterday (obviously I am not just referring to the logistical problems; fearing your child might not make it and witnessing their constant pain also contributed to the stress somewhat!). I suppose it is a bit like child birth, the memory of the pain fades with time, but I honestly don't know how we coped back then. I use the word 'coped' very loosely as in hind sight I actually didn't cope at all.
Today after just 4 days of this 'inconvenience' I was back to my 'bear with a sore head' act (screaming at the children, screaming at any driver in front of me who dared drive under the maximum speed limit, screaming at a radio DJ for being so idiotic - you get the picture). My anxiety levels were through the roof and that's what I was like perpetually between April and December 2013.
Thankfully this afternoon I got a grip of myself, reprioritised and with a bit of slow breathing I brought my anxiety levels down but it is something I've mastered far too late. Because I now recognise the signs I'd like to help other parents who are at the start of this journey and encourage them to seek help if they are experiencing symptoms of anxiety. I also want to offer them hope as it can seem very bleak in those first few months so I've volunteered to be a 'blood buddy' for a new program the Leukaemia Foundation are setting up. Basically I would be paired up with parents of newly diagnosed children and act as their 'buddy'.
I would have found this really helpful in the early months as the fear of the unknown was a huge contributor to the stress. I've had my interview and completed the training modules so I'm just waiting to be put in touch with my first participant.
Talking about bad memories being dredged up, Celia's dinner just arrived and as I lifted the lid of her plate, that hospital food smell hit my nostrils and I almost wretched.
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